The Mellow Mushroom is Under Siege. I’d Go Help, but My Feet are Imprisoned in These Macaroni Blocks.

Do you ever have one of those days where you’re walking down the street and you pass two people discussing how the Mellow Mushroom would be indefensible in battle, along with the surrounding businesses and restaurants?

Apparently all of the first floor windows, lack of moat, and inability to establish a perimeter would cause our certain doom.

In 1397.

I’m pretty sure that modern siege tactics are advanced enough to handle a moat. But I digress.

It’s Monday again, y’all. Carter and I had a really relaxing weekend watching football and making our way slowly through all of the Harry Potter movies. Here were the weekend highlights (and two lowlights).


          Green Bay advances! Go Packers!

          I f*cking love Harry Potter. Always have, always will. ALWAYS.

          I made curry in the crockpot and it turned out pretty well. It was much better the second day. I’m definitely going to fuss with the recipe though. (More coconut, fo sho.) 

          Made chili. It was/is awesome. And in my belly as we speak.

          Stopped hating myself for not yet finishing thank-you’s from my wedding…. which was in August. I am a terrible person, yes. But I should not hate myself. This is growth. And I will be finishing them this week/weekend because Kara is coming to visit/is still technically my maid of honor/minion. So check your mailboxes for those, kittens. 

          Stayed in my jammies all weekend.

          My Curly Girl Method book arrived! For those of you who have curly/wavy/textured hair and are STILL using shampoo, please checkout this website. And then buy the book on Amazon. It will change your life!


          Carter’s team, the Washington Redskins, lost. It was heartbreaking. As was watching Carter react to the loss. But if we’re looking for a silver lining, no one will be getting a divorce in our house over losing the NFC championship game to the other. (And yes, it IS just that big a deal.)

          I learned (the hard way) that those recipes on Pinterest about making delicious mac&cheese by cooking the noodles in milk are full of shit. Ask anyone. Pinterest, you are drunk. As are you, food bloggers, who swear you accomplished this even though literally EVERY SINGLE COMMENT on your post was written by a person who was super pissed off that their kitchen now smells like an old baby bottle and their best pan is filled with gouda cement. EVERY SINGLE ONE! (Yes. I should have read the comments before attempting this myself. It would have safe me a lot of time and angst.) Have I given up my quest for the perfect Mac & Cheese? Of course not. Will I believe food bloggers who use the words “healthy” and sharp cheddar” in the same sentence and claim that making from scratch, natural velveeta shells and cheese at home is as easy as 1-2-3? F*ck no. Because apparently, in their magical pixie-horse language, “1-2-3” means “What do you mean I’ve got to cook it in the milk even longer? I’ve already been standing here for 50 minutes, even though you’re f*cking recipe told me the noodles would be fully cooked in 20! And I AM stirring it constantly! Ask my carpal tunnel! I’ve had to add 4 times the amount of milk you prescribed in your recipe, already, “Tiffany,” because the milk evaporates and turns to cement with little raw noodles in it. And I haven’t even GOTTEN to the cheese part!” I finally gave up and just served the damned thing. To quote Carter, “It looks ridiculously delicious. And then I put it in my mouth and I’m like, “Oh, hello raw noodles.”  I guess this just goes to show you that, as with all things, there are some blogs that are higher quality than other. Lesson learned. Le sigh.

In other news, I bought the domain name for my food blog, which should be going live this week. It’s called Bourbon – Neat – and Baking on the Rocks. So stay tuned for that, friends!

(Note: I realize that immediately after describing the great Mac & Cheese disaster of 2013 is probably not the best time to pitch my new food blog. But let me assure you that I am a really good cook. In fact, it is one of 4 things that I’m good at. And the venture wasn’t a total mess. I did, after all, discover a way for foodie mobsters to make their “friends” swim with the fishes: Incorrectly and Woefully Misrepresented Mac&Cheese Shoes. )

Also, after multiple nudgings from friends, the outright shoving of my friend, Jane (DOWNTON ABBEY! You should totally watch it if you don’t already!), and literally everyone I know live-tweeting last night’s premiere, I have decided to start watching Downton Abbey. I know, I know. Where have I been all this time? Do I live under a rock? Was I born in a barn? Was I raised in the wild? By sailors and wolves, actually, but that’s another story. I’m going to do it. I’m telling myself that it will be like a more dramatic and catty Pride and Prejudice. Only with maids. I dunno. I’m probably waaaay off there.

Here’s some other stuff that happened, too.

Lola had some really weird hair.

It’s sideways. I know. But my computer is being crappy and won’t let me rotate it even though I’ve offered it cookies and jam. And to break it. Neither is gleaning a response. 
Kara tried to make cookies but didn’t read the recipe closely enough when it said “room temperature, softened – BUT NOT MELTED – butter” until it was too late. And then this happened.

Apparently, it worked. But her armpits smelled like movie theater popcorn for the rest of the night. Small price to pay, if you ask me. 
My mom proved how awesome she is, even though she could give a rat’s ass about football, by getting the girls all ready with their team spirit.

What a pair of adorable cheeseheads! Am I right? Incidentally, those claw marks all over the cheesehead hat are from  Evil Bitch Ethel, our cat, who likes to sleep in the “head goes here” portion. 
I hope y’all had a really good weekend! Sorry this post isn’t more, oh let’s say “coherent.” But it’s Monday! And I have weekend brain still! Please forgive me?

Happy Monday, y’all. 

**UPDATE** We also have 101 followers! (Happy dancing is infinitely appropriate here.) And so, until the next person follows, you will all be referred to as my Dalmatians. I know, I know – all your wildest dreams have just come true.

*** ANOTHER UPDATE*** Carter tells me that I forgot to list something. So, in the interest of full disclosure, we also saw The Hobbit. It was good, though, as with all Peter Jackson movies, you are made to think that it’s the end of the movie like 7 times and then when it’s really the end you’re like, “WTF, man?!?!” But good. Visually stunning. Good casting, I thought. And as always, that great silver fox, Gandalf, dominated. You go, man. 

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  1. Hooray! I’m so glad you’re watching Downton Abbey now! Also, I can’t wait for your new blog!

    • I decided that I need more TV in my life because the 5+ hours a day of it I watch just isn’t enough for me. …Or because I need to find something better to watch than Two and a Half Men once Carter and I have blown through all the good TV we’ve DVR’d. In one night. 🙂 I’m excited for my new blog too – and the artwork! 🙂 (Lots of smileys=Lots of happiness)

  2. AH you’re starting a food blog! That’s so cool, me too! Only I do it on wordpress, without buying a domain. I’d love to buy a domain, but my blogging is just too whimsical. Perhaps if I stick it out long enough I’ll buy a domain. I have been thinking about it.

    Oh, and I need to work on my photos because taking crappy pics with my phone and then Instagramming those pics does NOT make my food look delicious!

    Anyway, I’ll visit your food blog when it’s up (also curious about your photos)!

    That mac & cheese sounds disastrous, hahaha! It should’ve come with pictures! (Plus I’d love to read the comments of other people who’ve tried that recipe, should be hilarious.)

    Kara made me laugh!

    Glad you had a good weekend!

    (As for the Hobbit, in the weekend of January 19th Tim, sis, Raymond and I are going to have a Tolkien weekend. Which means 3 LotR movies (extended versions) plus the Hobbit. And loads of popcorn and tasty snacks of course! Weee!)

    • Yay food blogs! WordPress terrifies me. But kudos to you for figuring it out! The photo element is super important, I’m learning. My biggest problem is slowing down enough to take step by step photos. Because I’m ridiculously impatient sometimes.

      I wish I’d thought to take pictures of the Mac and Cheese. It was a DISASTER.

      I’m jealous of your Tolkein weekend. It sounds amazing!

  3. welcome back from your weekend of wild and crazy harry potter football sex. i can read between the lines. i make wicked mac and cheese – it’s all in the mustard.

    i am trying to be brave and start a crafting blog. maybe next week. i’ve emailed the lady about the graphics. could you could hold my hand or something.xx

    • Oh, Bev. Wicked, you are. And I’ve been told that it’s all in the mustard when it comes to mac and cheese. Would you be interested in guest posting about it on the food blog? (Please say yes!)

      Aand you absolutely should start a craft blog! I LOVE to craft! I will, of course, hold your hand through the process. xx

  4. Looking forward to reading your food blog! Just let me know when you launch it. I love food blogs, and I bet yours will be fun. I must tell you, I am using Makers Mark bourbon in a lot of things lately. Not sure what that says about me, but it is good. What other kind do you recommend when I run out of this one to cook with?

    Want to see the Hobbit as I LOVE the BBC Holmes series and I know he is in that. I haven’t done the abbey series yet, but I figure I want to watch it from the beginning..My Jane Austen group RAVES about it.

    • Thanks, Winnie! Hopefully it will be something people like to tune in for. I love food blogs too. I’m so glad you’re using bourbon! If you’re looking for reasonably priced alternative which I like a little better, Knob Creek is a really good drinking (and cooking) bourbon. It’s not nearly as sweet on the finish as Maker’s and so it’s more versatile. I use it in my bourbon pecan tarts exclusively. (To be featured on the blog!!!)

      The Hobbit really was good. Very long, but good. I wouldn’t have minded the length of the movie but we were on a double date and I was trying to look all cute, i.e. uncomfortable. For the next installment of the trilogy, I will be wearing pajamas and carrying my Snuggie.

      Also, if you have Netflix, all of Downton Abbey in on instant. I don’t know how I lived before Netflix.

  5. I gotta agree with Bev – I make a mean mac n cheese and it’s all to do with the mustard. My husband says my Mac n cheese is even better than his mother’s and she’s mac n cheese queen in the land that invented mac n cheese apparently (aka Scotland). But we use either a Dijon mustard or Colemans English mustard (emphasis on the English because it’s not just regular yellow mustard). Throw in a glob of that and you’ll have a delighted audience. I also at times add cubed smoked ham steak to the mix to and the crowds go crazy! Huh. Never thought I could write so much about macaroni and cheese. Good stuff. Loved the post! ON a side note, once you start Downton, you’ll never go back. It’s just that good.

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