Carter’s Guest Post (and also, the best photo ever taken of me)

So Carter surprised me at 3 am (when he goes to sleep. It’s worth nothing that by this point, I have gone through 1.5 REM cycles) by telling me that he had devoted his evening to writing a guest-post for the blog.

I know – FINALLY, right?

I’m excited for a few reasons. First, because he’s wonderful and now you all will get to see that first-hand. Second, because I’ve been nagging him to do this for me for months now and, I guess, he finally caved.

And so, without further ado, I give you: Carter’s Guest Post.

            So Kate and I have been talking a lot about me writing a guest post for her blog for a while now, but as I sit here and stare at my screen, a blank word document has never seemed more intimidating.  When I write papers for school, there is always a prompt, always a theological or philosophical position of someone else to rant and rave about.  After all, that is what I usually do, as it is much easier to tear something down than to build something up.  Especially if that thing is Kate.  Not because 99% of her isn’t perfection, and not because I don’t do my best to try and point that out at every turn, but because she seems to have a genetic predisposition that makes her incapable of taking a compliment.  However, she won’t be able to avoid one or two compliments throughout this post, in light of how I am feeling about writing this one single blog post and finally realizing the massive adamantium lady-balls that it must take for her to write one of these damn things almost every day. 

            Similarly, in the 10 minutes that I have been at this (yes, those few sentences above took me 10 minutes, leave it alone), I have realized how my ADD renders me incapable of ever blogging in any serious capacity.  All complaints, insults, etc. can be directed to my lovely wife, if and when she ever lets this nonsensical rambling see the light of day on her blog (I can only imagine that it is going to get even worse from here).  After all, although she seems incapable of recognizing it, you know as well as I do (as long as you have read any substantial amount of her musings here, and you don’t have a crayon lodged in your brain from a childhood escapade) that she is incredibly talented and that whatever rum-soaked crap (side note, I’m drinking bourbon right now, as it is God’s gift to humanity and vastly superior to rum, although I did grow up on Captain Morgan’s, AD I am aware that you read the blog with some regularity and know what I’m talking about) that this inevitably turns into won’t be nearly up to the standards that people have come to expect from her. 

            All of that being said, I guess I should eventually move on from sucking up, raving, telling the truth about the Lady Pilkington.  This is about the time that I wish I either knew, or cared enough to Google, how to do the strike-through thing that Kate does.  Of course, it is always possible that she will do it for me in editing, but probably not, as she will certainly get a kick out of making me look the fool (not that she has to try too hard, the hard part is doing her wifely duty of not letting it happen in public).  The problem here is that I won’t be able to be mad when she doesn’t change shit.  Because when she inevitably doesn’t, and it gets brought up, she will laugh and give me that devilish smile of hers where she sticks her tongue out ever so slightly right below her upper teeth, and even though I will still be very upset objectively, the subjective circumstances of her damn good looks and the fact that I love her so f*cking much will render me helpless and, just like always, I’ll be the bad guy and she will win.

            Now if the last sentence of that paragraph, which was basically the entire paragraph, doesn’t solidify in your mind the fact that my stream of consciousness was not meant for the blogosphere, well then…I don’t know… imagine I came up with something really good here, but basically you’re on crack if you disagree. (Kate would say, “at least it’s not meth”)

            So I suspect that this is the point in the blog where I should be saying something of substance.  However, I’m not sure that I have anything of substance to say.  But isn’t that what is so nice about a blog?  That you can say whatever the hell you want and it just inherently melds into substance.  Because after all, it is on a blog and it’s intrinsically the substance that makes up the blog.  It’s nice to have the very nature of your writing changed because of the media in which you present it.  But I guess that context and scope are everything.

            Well anyHOO (for those of you who need that explained, that is a UVA reference to the WAHOOS), with those last few sentences I realize that this is deteriorating quickly and I will stop wasting all of our time.  As you can tell, my attention span when it comes to writing isn’t nearly as long as it is when it comes to sports, video games, or drinking bourbon.  In light of this fact, I promise that not only will my next guest post not come for quite some time, but I will also turn the tables on my wife and force the Lady Pilkington (I’m trying to get that to stick) to give me the blog ideas for once (as this has without a doubt been some of the most scrambled, random shit you have ever read). 

            I don’t have any kind of sign-off yet, but I will leave you with this thought: “‘Right’ and ‘wrong’ are just words – what matters is what you do”, and according to the rookie of the year RGIII, “all that matters is what you do next”.  So, just as RGIII is “all in for week 1”, so too am I all in for blog 1. 

Ps-an idea for Kate’s next blog: reaction to my attempt at blogging.

Pps- What did I just do to myself with that ps? 

Talk about an ego boost! Am I right, y’all?! Isn’t he wonderful?! 

I would like the record to reflect that the only editing I did to this post was:
– the addition of 3 commas
– correction of 2 typos
I would also like the record to reflect that, no matter how much you may want to believe him, I do not get a kick out of making him look the fool…. unless it means that I’m right. Then, it’s awesome. 

Things like that are why I love him so much. 

And things like this….

Aaaand this……

I’m fairly certain that this is the only reason he loves me….
Because yes – this face apparently is possible. 
From both of us – Happy Tuesday, y’all!
P.S. Carter is expecting “backlash,” as he puts it. I told him that he’s too sweet and handsome to garner backlash. That and he’s not making fun of children at the Oscars or telling Dead Baby jokes (which I still don’t “get”). But I will be bribing him to monitor the comment section, so leave him some love (or me, either way) and he’ll respond! How about that for incentive!?!?! 
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  1. Great job cuz! Both on popping your cherry in the “blah-blah-vosphere” and on your choice of wives and beverages!!

  2. Wow. I just read my first blog post ever. Carter, what have you done to me? You made me a blogger/bloggee(?) I guess I’ll start my own.

    P.S. The imagery you evoked with the description of the bourbon you were drinking while writing was masterful and has doomed me to shopping trip tonight for some bourbon of my own.

  3. How totally cute are you two? Fun post, so full of love. Where’s my damn tissue?

  4. How sweet! Aren’t husband-written guest posts the best thing ever? You guys are adorable!

  5. Hi Carter! Great job blogging; at least about Kate and bourbon anyway. 🙂

    Love the pictures, especially the last one. Very striking couple.

  6. You did an awesome job Carter. You should be proud, as I am sure Kate is!


  7. You two are just so cute. And this was a great guest post! I hope, Carter, that you’ll be back again!

  8. Damn, Carter, I hope Kate is now taking you out for the biggest steak you’ve ever seen because that was brave and completely sweet guest blog posting. My little ADD soul needs more Carter posts.

  9. Carter is adorable. I can see why you married him, Kate. Also, you two hang out way too much. You even share the habit of using brackets for really long sentences.

  10. Aww, look at the two of you! So adorably sweet you’re making my teeth hurt!

  11. my little cyber son in-law is so precious and sweet.
    ps the photos are lovely

  12. Hello Carter! It’s completely awesome to finally “meet” you!
    First off, it was a genius move to start off stating he fact that you’re drinking. Then? ANYTHING that slipped out or slipped out wrong? Can be blamed on the booze.
    Second, rambling posts can be the best kind becasue they tend to be how you get to “know” a person the best.
    So, thank’s for drunkenly rambling on your wife’s blog!
    Also? You two are freakin’ ADORABLE!!!!!!

    • Thanks Chris. I find that most of my stories start with something along the lines of “so I was drinking bourbon (sometimes other libations, but usually bourbon)….” I find that it humanizes me, which is necessary as what comes after is usually ripe for judgement.

  13. “That you can say whatever the hell you want and it just inherently melds into substance.” This is my new favorite description of blogging. Nice job, Carter. Or, as we call you, “Mr. Lady Pilkington.”

    Katie, I love the pics. Thanks for sharing your man with us. I meant that in the most “I totally didn’t mean to imply that you are a pimp. Or that Carter is a woman of the night” way possible.

  14. Great post! You two are adorable. Now I’d love to see you two write something together — say, a “Point” and “Counterpoint” piece, perhaps with Katie stating her best arguments for why she NEEDS to start her Teacup Piggy Syndicate, like, NOW, and Carter (sadly, ineffectually) attempting to rebut her beautifully made arguments. That’s just a suggested topic, I don’t have a dog in this hunt, truly. Except I’ve already named my teacup piggy and have called dibs on October. Except for that.

    • Better yet, we will set a voice recorder and then put the transcript up. Of course, this could go terribly wrong when you are expecting to read a blog about if we should get a teacup pig and by the end you are listening to us talk about what superhero would we have wanted as a babysitter when we were growing up. So it’s a gamble…

  15. You had me at Carter with the glasses on!!

  16. Carter, I SO would follow your blog if you had one. Your rambling and bourbon swilling are delightful–and I’m all for the Lady Pilkington title to catch on. I’ll try it out in Boston and see if we can pull it off.

    • The problem is that it would probably devolve pretty quickly. Although I am quite skilled at rambling and bourbon swilling (although i prefer the term “enjoying in a responsible way” rather than “swilling”, but kate might have an even better way than both of those. Thanks for the help with Lady Pilkington.

  17. Way to go Carter! I think it is sweet that you blogged! My hubby has done it for me a few times, and I think what makes it special is the interest shown in the blog and her writing (means a lot to me when hubby did it..) You too are both hysterical and I can see why you are a perfect match.

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