I can make anything dirty.

So yesterday was the great endoscopic adventure of 2013. Or as my wedding officiant (also one of my favorite people ever) put it, my “deep throat event.”
She meant it as in Nixon. 
I, of course, thought she meant it as in, “that thing which, if you ever ever do, according to my mother, will cause God to murder a kitten and send a tsunami to wipe out a small island nation.”
The reality was neither.
Ok, the reality was a little of both.
I was deep under cover of ….anesthetics. And I was allowing a…ok, I’m done. You get it.
Test results should be in tomorrow, hopefully. And then, either way, I’ll probably have a plethora of new things about which to bitch and moan. 
Or maybe I’ll just bemoan the fact that I am undecided how I feel about those wedge sneakers. I go back and forth between “those are really cute” and “those are, without a doubt, the ugliest shoes I have ever seen.” There’s only one way this story will end. Okay, fine. There are two.
Either I will buy a pair, wear them once, and end up donating them to Goodwill in 3 years when I find them under my bed OR I will buy them, fall in love with them, and wear them 4.5 days a week.
Or I won’t buy them at all.
So we have learned that I can’t count. That, or I’m horribly indecisive. 
I may or may not still be working anesthesia out of my system. Forgive me.
I’ll be at a conference this week/weekend and may or may not be able to blog. If I’m not, however, I’ll see you on Monday!  
See you soon, y’all! 

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Comments:

  1. Glad the scope thingie went okay. Anesthesia is both fun and awful at the same time.

  2. This was like a pinball post. I hope that you have a great time at your conference and that you find inner peace with the wedge sneakers and, finally, that you know God would never murder an innocent kitty no matter what acts of intimacy you commit that we don’t really need to think about or have a mental images that won’t go away….

    Mostly, I hope you are OK and find out what’s happening.

    • I did find some inner piece with the sneakers and have decided that they aren’t for me.

      Neither my mother nor I think God kills kitties. It’s just something we say. Catholic guilt and all. haha

      Gluten allergy, but no celiac!

  3. Hey, don’t sell yourself short! I’m sure you’re both unable to count AND horribly indecisive.

  4. My fingers are crossed hard that the answer is something like, “Oh, look, you accidentally swallowed a penny — all set now!”

  5. I’m gonna go with a no on the wedge sneakers. Unless you want to be featured on BuzzFeed’s 22 ugliest examples of shoes from the ’10s. 22 Ugliest Examples of 90s footwear to ever meet your eye.

    I should point out that I owned about half of those shoes.

    • I went with no, too. I had several of those shoes, too. Can we make a pact? I’ll email you a picture of every pair of shoes I’m considering and you can tell me whether I’ll regret them in 10 years. I think I need for you to do this, haha.

  6. Nixon, people. I meant NIXON!!! Nixon killed the kittens and forced the tsunami on a small island nation.
    Didn’t you people learn ANYTHING in Sunday School?? Sheesh.
    Hang in there Kate. Whatever the news is, it’ll be a path to a healthier life.
    XO,
    Your Friendly Neighborhood Pastor

    p.s.
    I think you will hate the wedge sneakers. It’s like a tease: Look! These are sneakers. I can run in sneakers. Oh. Wait. They are wedge heels. There’s no way I’m running.

  7. Hope everything comes back OK. Thoughts and prayers are with you! ♥

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

  8. Whoa, where to begin? ha! Hoping that the test results come back with little to nothing wrong. (preferably nothing, but obviously that’s not too realistic, huh?) I also hope you have fun at the conference and I too wonder about the wedge sneakers. But I will never buy them. Nope. No way!

  9. ok, so i had to google wedge sneakers and they’re god awful. don’t wear them when you come to visit or i’ll walk right past you at the airport…. sort of …. maybe

    you will be fine. you’re a young and vibrant woman in your prime.

  10. Wedge Sneakers?…..do I lose girly points for having to google what the hell they are?

    That said – you said Deep Throat and I thought of that weird guy from The X-Files…ok yeah that didn’t narrow it down did it, they’re all weird, erm, this guy – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_Throat_%28The_X-Files%29

    Also….I hope the results come back ok.

  11. Fingers crossed! I hope the results will be good! (Not in “positive, there is something wrong with you” but in “negative, you’re A OK.”)

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