Today, I will be judging what I hope to be a Lizard Beauty Pageant

As my dear reader and friend, Bev, would tell me to do – I’m breathing through my eyelids.

Or is it eyeballs?

I’m going to go with lids. That seems far more likely.

I was asked to serve as a judge today at work. Not like a real judge that can send you to jail or take away your babies or meth. I’m judging some sort of contest or fair or pageant.

Here’s the kicker, though: I have no idea what I’m judging.

I was asked to do it and “it” was described with a bunch of abbreviations and acronyms, none of which I know. So here is what I have narrowed it down to:

a) A Cat Wig Contest
b) A Watermelon Seed Spitting Contest
c) A Lizard Beauty Pageant
d) A Three-Legged Race featuring Wombats

I hope it’s one of those. But I know, deep in my heart, that it’s probably a mother f*cking bake sale.

This sucks for a few reasons. First, I’m on a diet. Second, I can’t eat wheat and 99.9% of those bastards’ baked goods will be made of, dusted with, or covered in wheat. Or they’ll taste death warmed over, as my dear grandma always says.

Le sigh. It’s so difficult to be asked to watch and judge. I wore a black velvet blazer to work because I thought that it would make me look more regal and “your Honor-esque.”

This post will be full of more promises than actual content, and I’m really sorry about that. This week has been absolutely bananas.

But, you’ll be happy to know, that I am devoting my Sunday to working on the marketing series, which I’m hoping to post next week. Topics to be covered include:

– Twitter (a real, down-and-dirty approach for lazy people…like me)
– Tumblr
– Google+ and how to use Google Analytics
– Guest posting and creating series
– Several other things based on your suggestions that I’m too lazy to reference at this particular moment because lifting my phone seems like too much effort right now.

So you’ve got that to look forward to.

Sorry. You have that to which you may look forward.

I also promise to post pictures of everything I eat and wear this weekend, just in case you wish this was that kind of blog. And I’ll also find lots of pictures of cats and chihuahuas wearing wigs and post those, too. Probably tomorrow. You’re welcome.

It’s Friday, y’all!

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  1. I am SO rooting for the Lizard Beauty Pageant! Oh, I can just imagine the evening gown part of the competiton. Although, what wold the talent contest consist of? Hmm…Good luck!

  2. I like the cat wig contest myself. By the way, cute new banner!

  3. hahahah hilarious post. Cat wig contest would be awesome!! And looking forward to the post on marketing!

  4. ps- love the new header!!

  5. its eyelids.
    you are drinking too much coffee. what’s going on in your life?? i love the banner.

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