Ok, so I
allegedly,have a problem. I personally don’t think it’s a problem. But I am told by Kara and Carter that I am sick in the head.
Ok, so I
My future mother-in-law sent me a particularly inspiring chain email this morning. I usually gloss over the “inspirational part” to get to the anecdotes at the end, but this one was about staying young and being happy. Her subject line was “I hope you learn these lessons sooner than I did. Love to you.” How could I not read that? Maybe it’s because I’m getting married in EXACTLY 30 DAYS. (Yes, kids—let the countdown begin.) Maybe it’s because I’m embracing the expansion of my family. Maybe it’s because I felt especially awake this morning. But I read it. All of it.
|This is what happens when you leave your shoes on…|
8 year old female Beagle
Alias: The Pig.
Context: Rigby is the only dog in the world that naps in such a manner that she makes you want to draw the chalk outline of her and call CSI.
The plush thing stuffed into her “Old Nervous Lady-Dog Girdle” is none other than Lola’s favorite toy: a Baby Beluga Whale
(P.S. Rigby is self conscious about her pre-pubescent boy bosom(s) and is trying to enhance her appearance with the whale. Yes, while sleeping!)
(P.P.S. It’s obviously not a real whale. It’s a plush toy from the Shedd Aquarium. Calm down, PETA)
(P.P.P.S Ok, so Rigby may not be self conscious about her bosoms. It may have been a cruel frat-boy-esque trick played upon her while she slept. This is the human-to-canine equivalent of drawing a spiffy mustache in sharpie on someone’s face when they are passed out.)
(P.P.P.P.S. I’ve just been informed that certain youths do not understand the rules about shoes and passing out. Allow me to elaborate for you heathen whippersnappers. If at a party, or anywhere, really, a person passes out with their shoes off, they are vulnerable and clearly just want to go to bed. This means that they are entirely off limits. If, however, a person passes out with their shoes on, then society has deemed it not only acceptable, but necessary, to draw any number of body parts on them. I don’t make the rules, kids. I just cite them.)
(Note: The “Old Nervous Lady-Dog Girdle” is a very real thing. Sure, it just started out as a comfort harness because she couldnt wear her collar because she has a giant mole thingy on her neck. Sure it looks ridiculous. Sure, it’s a girdle ON A DOG. Sure, we burned girdles to exercise our feminist rights and demonstrate that we cannot be contained! But isn’t Rigby exercising her feminist muscles by choosing to wear one because it makes her feel good about herself, even though all of the neighbor dogs laugh at her and her comfort girdle? Of course she is.)
Tune in next week for Rigby sleeping in the “Cone of Shame” on “Picture of My Beagle Napping Like She’s in a Crime Scene” Wednesday.
My sister hates two things:
So just to reiterate, Kara hates two things:
The Tale of Kara the Tense
Tune in tomorrow for my better version of the Wordless Wednesday post:
“Picture of My Beagle Napping Like She’s in a Crime Scene” Wednesday
If you’ve watched HBO’s new series GIRLS (And if you haven’t, you friggin’ should!), you will recall Shoshanna’s argument that she is “like the least virginy-virgin ever.” Well, my friends, I am the least vegany-vegan ever. Case in point:
KWFA: [puzzled look] Well yea! They were murdered. Of course.